kkays.
today was study day.
okay i'll correct that.
today was SUPPOSE to be study day...
but well you know what happens...
in defence of myself
i did study.
just not as long as i should have.

see what happened was that
this morning my mom went out to orchard to pick up something for my dad.
she asked me to go along.
of course, being a disciplined(or at least attempting to be and failing quite miserably) student,
i said no.
so i studied.
i don't know how long
but to me,
it seemed real long...
then my mom called
asking me if i could meet her
cos she needed to pick a present for someone
but well
if you know my mom,
she takes realy long to decide on buyin stuff....
i mean reeeaaalll long....
so i decided
why not?
i've already studied.
plus we could always come back straight away.

but then my brother called
requesting us to stay out all day.
he wanted the house to himself.
so my mom was like.
okay...
she's pretty relaxed over my studies.
but only up to a certain extent.
haha.
man, time flied past sooo quickly
by the time we were done it was time for dinner.
haha.
oops!
anyway,
i got a massager for my dad for his birthday
kinda early if you ask me.
since his birthday is in august( he should totally pay me for advertising for him)
anyway,
haha,
i was carrying the massager
and the thin straps cut of my blood circulation
i began thinking
"how can a massager cause so much pain and aches?"
isn't it pointless to buy one then?
well then of course i told myself not to be so stupid..
see gloria, technically(i don't know if i have to use this word but it sounds cool so..here goes!)
this is not the massager thats torturin you but the thin straps...
okay anyway,
i as debating with myself
and then we went to eat dinner,




okay




these few days.
i seriously begin to ask lot's of questions.
why is everyone going?

and why am i left behind?
how does God decide who goes?

must be painful for him...


but i can't help wondering.
doesn't he know its tons for us too?
but then you look at the night sky,
and you begin to think.
God knows it all.
and he knows whats best for us.
thats when you get comforted

anyway,
this is for a friend.
i love this song.




credits to rnjaani.
thnks.

-when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that i was carrying you.

okay,
sleeping last night was torturing.
i kept waking up.
i think i suffer from sleep disorder...
okay maybe not.
but when you're waking up every other hour to check the time,
it almost counts.
anyway,
so in the morning i was dead tired.
but dragged myself outta the bed.
trust me, it took alot of effort.
i think i finally know what it feels like when
they say a sleeping person weighs more...
i felt heavier than ever...
except i was kinda you know, draggin myself
so its not really like carrying a heavy person
but it kinda counts?
so anyway.

classes were relatively fast.
considering yesterday they were a huge drag...
jest was having a bad sore throat.
so she couldn sing with me.

anyway,
yea.
and i didn't fail my math test so thats a good thing.
but i'm getting more confused by history everday
maybe joycelyn is right.
studyin just gets you confused.
might as well not study and keep to your guts.
well thats kinda what she said.
can't wait for monday!
art musuem cindy.
i haven't been to a museum before.
well i have,
but then i was being forced by my mom to go
so it doesn count.

anyway, we had some cool mystery games
for a short while in between classes...
faezah, cindy, jennifer, chloe, and at one short short time andrea mae.
anyway,
jest already found out.
but it was fun anyway.

haha.

hahaha.

then after school, cindy and i went for lunch at bpp.
haha. we skipped macs!!!
we were healthy this time round
to cindy: just don't let them know bout the bubble tea and we'll be just bout right *winks
anyway, we went for wanton thingamajig at this new store.
real cool if you ask me.
but by the time we went back, there wasn really enough time for art.
so we, or rather cindy (i'm hopeless when it comes to lscep rmb)
zapped it real quick.
and we were off for my piano teacher's house.
that place i'm tellin you,
is a capitalised woah.
as in WOAH.
as in WOAH AWESOME
its some condo on top of mall.
know what i always wondered?
what happens if the swimming pool leaks...
oh well.
haha.
cindy came along too.
we were like so on the dot. arrived exactly at five.
but of course we had to run for 975.
haha!
so yea.

after piano we headed to toast box.
where we ate.
i mean seriously, i don't think there's anything else you can do at toast box...
haha.
i love that outlet cos its got a vintage theme..
i wish my room had a vintage theme.
with those cute lamps...
well,
forgive me,
but if you haven't forgotten,
i'm a girl.
haha!

i'm suppose to be studying now...
i already studied some so i'm taking a break.
sigh.

the only thing i love about exams is that school ends early and you don't get homework.
haha!
sure there are practice papers.
which no one actually does...
actually i do them...
i'd do them rather.
if i could find the right one on the mlg:)

anyway,
i'd better go now.

-i'll be prayin for you.

maybe it was the right thing to walk away
maybe it was the right thing to pretend it didn't hurt so much everyday
maybe it was the right thing to just let go
but at the end of time, i'll still never know
maybe it hurt when i turned away
maybe it hurt when your eyes bore down right deep and you had nothing to say
maybe it hurt because it mattered so much
it's probably because my life you've touched
maybe i couldn bear to see you leave
maybe i couldn understand you or anyone else
maybe i was lying to myself
its not about a stoled treat
neither was it anywhere near sweet
it just tasted bitter
and it just goes to show
it always hurts
when you let someone go

i haven't posted for a long time.
it's sad.
people everywhere around me are leaving.
and i watched education of little tree.
an orpahn said "grandpa, grandma, when do you think i can go up there to join ya'll. it's getting awful lonely being the one always left behind."
i cried.
so hard.

i got locked out of the house today.
felt lonlier than ever as i walked to the library.
then i got so absorped in a book.
till i finished it.
then i stopped.
well duh i stopped
i couldn have read it over again right?
it was an okay book i guess.


was with abigail at starbucks studyin yesterday.
i ordered the wrong thing.
haha.
and we had to top the drink with tons of milk and sugar...
or rather that sugar solution...
okay...
it was fun though...

today was tiring.
thats that...

-if only you knew

i can't find a way to start.
i always thought it as easy
till now.
she left before i could say goodbye.
and i find my eyes slowly filling with tears.
because it's never easy.
they said God took her home.
but why is it still so hard.
and they must be suffering.
it hurts.
not because i know she is gone
because i know she is in heaven
but because it means she's not here anymore.


-symetrical.

Okay,
i don't know why i am posting
when i'm suppose to be mopping the floor.
anyway,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMIE!
haha. dunno why i did that since my mom
doesn use the computer at all...
but oh well
its the thought that counts eh?

watched shopaholic on friday at nine p.m.
and then slept over at charmaine's house
the movie was awesome!
but the price wasn so...
i change my mind.
that guy is old!
and on second thought, a little freaky
haha.
but the price wasn so...
but anyhow
THANKS CHARMAINE!
AND THANK YOU GONG GONG!
haha.
thats my granddad...
he's so funny.
and so is my grandmother
who is really cute.
and anyway

so yea.
nothing much to say
i'm so glad there isn school on friday.
BUT I THINK I'M GONNA DIE FOR HISTORY!
stupid usefulness
who cares if its useful or not
how am i suppose to rmb the format for usefulness?
its the easiest to memorise but hardest to apply
which leads me to say this: now i'm doin bad at every single sunject in school
how depressing is that?

i'm not saying i don't like school.
i'm saying it's so complicated and messy
i feel like crying
its like so weird
cos school is awesome fun
but
its so confusing
stupid fireworks just hates me!
and now photoshop disagrees with me!
and they cost so much!!
now i have to bring it to the T.A.
but i'm too lazy.
so i guess its my fault.
and i just know i'm gonna fail home ecs.
how'm i suppose to make a sweet pastry!
i don't even like sweet pastries all that much!
why can't it be freestyle!
and for science
why can't it be open book
YOU TELL ME WHAT BOOK TO OPEN
AND I'LL OPEN IT!
they sure make everything thrice as hard in school


Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think that there's enough you might drown
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still

No one can take you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
It's screaming every step, "just stay here"
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still

If you find your fists are raw and red
From beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate

If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you for what you really are
I will be here still
'

such a cool song eh?
haha.
okay i gotta be goin now.

-cucmbers beat carrots

okay.
i'm back.
and i think
i'm gonna die soon.
i regret skipping mass run on tuesday.
i so do not wanna do it tomorrow.
for two reasons.
my leg still kinda hurts
i have netball after that.
and plus i'm real groggy in the morning...
like really really groggy...
ouch...
anyway,
i'll tell you what i'm suppose to be doing
and then i'll give reasonable explanations as to why i'm not doing them.
i'm suppose to be studying for history test
-there's nothing to study, its all from sources
i'm suppose to be doing my lit
-i don't have my book with me
i'm suppose to be washing the dishes
-my dad is like tryna make me wash the dishes now and i'm busy,
so he is getting annoying. so i told him i'll do it by tmr. and now, i'm tryna annoy him.
partly cos i already washed the toilet and mopped the floor.
i'm suppose to be resting my eyes
-okay i won't even talk about this one. i mean, once i close my eyes, i won't be able to open them for a real long time.
i'm suppose to be doing my math homework
-i'll do it later to add on to the suspense

so you see, i have great reasons for not doing alot of things.
oops me.
but oh well.
today i feel like just lazing around.
cos i'm so tired...
i'm still not use to the really late nights or really early mornings and waking up real early.

i had lit test today.
unseen poetry,
the teacher is kinda weird.
cos he/she picked one about a man dying.
too depressing if you ask me.
i mean sitting for a test is depressing enough
can't they pick a funnier or ahppy subject?
gee.
and they wonder why we don't smile much in class...
anyway.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCELYN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABIGAIL!
yaha! hope you guys loved the watermelon!

yup. jest and i bought them a watermelon each for their birthday.
and poor me almost died tryna carry them up the huge, long, giagantic rotanda.
fine i'm exaggerating.
but when you're being squashed under your bag and two watermelons,
there's hardly any difference.
i mean we thought, since its april fool's we should get them something fun.
and watermelon was our choice.
i wrapped it up reallll nice so it really looked like something sophisticated.
don't get me wrong,
i'm not saying a watermelon isn't sophisticated.
but,
yea.
anyway,
so.
yea,

sorry abigail, i know your birthday was yesterday,
and not on april fools
but hey,
getting the same cool thing as your best friend
what greater present can there be?
i'm tellin you
both of them had the same reaction
(abi's more dramatic)
yea.

anyway, jest talked me into staying back with her
so we ate noodles at the church.
in the end
we hardly did history.
haha!
and then we
called...
that was like super hilarious...
the things we do
JESTELLYNN I'M GONNA MAKE YOU DO THE SAME FOR ME!

ahaha! we have so much weird fun in school...

alright, gotta go do math.
erhg,
don't you just feel nauseous when you hear that?
math. urhg!
math. aughh!!

see what i mean?
oh and by the way, my first math tuition went brilliant
my teacher is cool
and turns out,
i might be able to pass math after all.
so all the best to that.
math... EEEEEEEKKKK!

haha

-Take me back to the house in the backyard tree
Said you’d beat me up, you were bigger than me
You never did, you never did
Take me back when our world was one block wide
I dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried
Just two kids, you and I
Oh my my my my