sorry i haven't posted for quite awhile.
anyway, well school's started.
and i'm feeling tired more than ever.
right.
and yea.
my brother's gone to ns.
gee wheezers that place is like a resort!
i mean their matresses are super comfy and they even have this cool mosquito net thing.
they are each given gilette fusion thingys or whatever you call them.
even my dad doesn't own one!
the place is on this island.
and it is awesome.
sadly though, we had to leave without my brother.
i sure miss him.
and yea, now when i'm not sleeping i'm bawling my eyes out and when i'm not doing that
i'm trying not to be some fountain and do some homework and eat.
its hard to py attention in school though
when you're wondering if you're dear brother is running his guts out
and tryna sleep in a new place.
i just hope no one in his room snores...
anyway,
yea.
i never thought i'd miss him this much
especially since i hardly see him when he's around anyway.
but its like even when i didn't talk to him
i can still sense he is around.
he's still there for me to fight with
he's still there to defend me from our parents
he's still there to order me around,
he's still there for me to ask to borrow things that aren't really his anyway
he's still there to remind ne that i've still got lots to learn in school
he's still there for me to stare at and wonder how some weird computer game could make him not talk to us that much and
i never thought i'd say this
but i'd buy him every meal
if only he didn't have to go.
i'm sure he looks good in his uniform.
and i'm sure he still looks like my own brother with his hair shaved.
he's still the same old person.
if i was younger i'd be sad he had to go
but if i was younger i won't be doing what i do now
which is to replay everything that happens at home when he is around
or to calculate that for the next two years the officers that don't love him like we do
would be seeing more of him than us.
its so unfair
those people won't miss him
so why take him away from the people who would?
even my mom misses him..
am i too drastic?
i mean its like for goodness sake its not like i'm not gonna ever see him again right?
i mean thats what i tell myself too
but i just keep having to fight bck my tears.
and i just keep trying so hard to think of other things.
what is wrong with me.
anyway, now's the weekends.
and i'm glad.
this morning my eyes were so puffy
my english teacher would probably make some rude comment about
me looking like a goldfish
or that anyone would have thought that i'd lost a million dollars.
on friday, thankfully,
i only teared abit.
it wasn that bad i guess,
since i occuppied myself by trying to copy down notes which are redundant.
but hey,
whatever goes right?
anyway,
thats all for now.
-that's cos i thought i knew you
"life on fire"
4:39 AM
4:39 AM
