but words can never hurt me
what a lie
those three words: they are gone
sank my heart to a place deeper than hell.
sticks and stones would definitely be much easier to bear...
in my mind, i was standing on a cliff,
i imagined jumping off.
i imagined spreading my hands trying to fly
i imagined myself falling
i imagined someone catchin me
someoned who would never let me go
then i realise that for the first time i
was doing something i had never done before
i was hoping...
i felt the heat of her palm scald my skin
i felt the heat of the sun shear through my face
i felt...
i felt the wind blow through my hair as i grasped her hand tightly, never wanting to let go
i felt a tear slide down the curves of my face
i felt her tug at my arm, urging me to go home
home..
were there any boundaries?
could home really be where the heart is?
could you really go to the ends of the earth and still be home?
how did home feel like
i would never know
it didn't matter that it would leave a scar
it didn't matter that i was harming myself
so long as i could relief myself of the numbness i'd been feeling
it might only be a short moment
but in that short moment i could find myself
in that moment i could breath
as i stared down at the sharp silver blade
i felt a sense of regret
okay so maybe it did matter that i would never be the same person anymore
maybe it really did matter that i would probably never feel the same again
but then i realised.
it might have mattered
but not to me
it might have mattered to the cheerleaders with perfect milky white skin
it might have mattered to the those bar attendents
but it didn't matter to me.
I would lay awake and fantasize that this whole thing was a fake
and that the next morning, I will be kissed awake by my mother
and my father would be at the dining table reading the morning news.
Long after my parents’ death, I would lay awake and try to listen to the wind howling,
wondering if it could be my parents’ way of communicating with me.
I would try to figure out if the reason my heart ached
and that I could not let go was because
my parents were still somewhere out there, alive,
looking for me...
unheard melody~
"life on fire"
3:32 AM
3:32 AM
